Folks,

Last week, as we brought the devastating power pop to the unprepared denizens of New York City, I had a realization. And people, that realization was that having your guitar strap fall off three times during a show, causing you to have to spend a minute on the ground each time vainly trying to pry it back on while also keeping up with the song and trying not to look like a moron in front of a crowd really isn't that much fun. Actually, as I think Mark Twain once said, it licks balls.

So yesterday after work I headed to Guitar Center. Now, let it be said for the record that I've always hated me some Guitar Center, and I think I've finally figured out exactly why. The place is like a mutant combination of Radio Shack and a used car lot, two places I would essentially rather die than go to. It's full of techy guitar dudes who are very eager to let you know that you don't know what you're talking about, but who also work on commission and so do that "I'm going to talk to you like we're really good friends until I get $600 out of you and then I'll go back to hating you because you get to leave after you buy the guitar and I never wanted to work here anyway but now I'm stuck and I have to talk to you like we're really good friends until I ...." You get the idea.

But just like sometimes you have to hit Radio Shack because you need one of those thingies to let you hook your busted ass old tv antenna to your new-fangled VCR, sometimes you also need a bunch of picks and nothing else is around. And so you go to the GC.

Here's my strap-buying experience:

Me: Hey

GC: (on phone with a friend who apparently is named "dude") Give me a minute man. (Two minutes later - I guess the commission on a $10 strap isn't too exciting.) Cool strap man.

Me: (sensing what's coming) Thanks....that's all I need today

GC: Really? have you tried out the new Korgomatic Triphaser Transposifying Diphenylshaffen? It's only $300 and dude, it's rad. I bought one the first day I worked here. (Note: every time I've ever talked to a GC employee they have assured me that they own the very thing that I'm looking at and that it is, in fact, some variation of "rad")

Me: Nope, just the strap.

GC: Ok, dude, I can bring it down to $250, even though my manager will be pissed (conspiratorial smile)

Me: (Smile that says "Although I'm sure your manager will be very pissed at this completely non-transparent and extremely generous gesture on your part, it's just not going to work today") Nope, just the strap.

GC: (patronizing) Uh....OK dude (sigh) What's your name?

Me: Why?

GC: For the computer

Me: I don't think so, just the strap

GC: No, I need your name for the computer

Me: Why? Will the computer be sad if I choose to just buy the strap and maybe mercifully end this 30 second transaction that has now stretched to ten minutes? (Note: much of this was not actually said)

GC: (Sigh) Fine, if that's really what you want to do.......(sigh)

And from that point until he had made my change he said nothing. Zero. Nada. Acted like I wasn't even there. And so I of course made a big show of thanking him and then I even tried to make small talk because, well, I'm a jerk. But he wasn't having it and just walked away. I was pretty pissed and was tempted to bring $5000 worth of crap back to the counter and then at the last second decide not to buy it. But that seemed like too much work so I didn't do it because, well, I'm lazy.

The lesson, people? I'm not sure but I think it involves supporting local music stores as well as the fact that I'm very petty. Ah well.