People,

The FXA rock machine is back in town and god damn if it doesn't need a nap. Our weekend was full of...well...really annoying driving. We hit NYC on Saturday for a veritable ass-kicking festival at the Luna Lounge, replete with screaming beautiful ladies, some old friends and a healthy dose of candied ginger (don't ask). Anywho, after that rock extravaganza we hit the highway, arriving at the Somerville rock house around 5:30 in the AM for a little post-rock sleep. Sunday I headed over to the Paradise to check out our sweet rock friends in THISWAY as well as our non friends but the still rock Supergrass. After a few fitful hours of post THISWAY-partying sleep I was rousted by Gordon and the arrival of the band van. Despite my crankiness at the completely non-sensical bit of traveling I was about to do, I loaded up and we headed back to NYC. And here's where it gets interesting.

We had to head back to NYC to play a benefit. Now, usually we avoid benefits like the plague because they don't pay and we hate people (Ed. Note - Kidding, sort of). But seriously, although the traveling sucked, it was for a very good cause close to the band's heart. Of course, that doesn't mean it wasn't a RIDICULOUS time.

We got to the venue, which was the set of an off-off-broadway Bobby Darin song revue. Ouch. The stage was set up like an early Ed Sullivan soundstage, complete with footlights and a raised platform for a singer. Unfortunately, we have more than one singer in our band and ended up having to cram everyone onto about three inches of stage. Jordan ended up playing both in front of as well as facing the band. It did not bode well for the night.

Anywho, when we got there we met the stage manager S., who was a royal pain in the s. Actual comments: (imagine a real whiny New York socialite voice)

To Gordon - "Do you have to put that amp there. It's just so ugly. Can't we put it behind a pole or something?" Um, no.

To me - "Are these all your pedals? Do they really have to be on the stage?" Um, yes.

To all - "You need more outlets? You didn't bring those with you?" What???

To all - "You guys shouldn't be too loud and the room acoustics are very good. Do you really need microphones?" Um, yes.

But her best line of the evening came when she was asking our opinion as young people about an ad campaign her firm was designing. I didn't really like her at this point so I decided to break her balls about it a little and say the dumbest things that came into my mind. Of course, she took everything I said sort of seriously, but became frustrated when I wouldn't be absolutely serious and revere Her Majesty Queen Condescension. So she, this woman who does NOT know me at all, says in a very snide tone of voice "You know, you almost have some good ideas." And I said "You know, me being able to tell you to eat farts right now almost makes the five hours of driving worth it." Of course, I only said this in my head. Ah well, life is, of course, terrible.

Ok, people, that's all I can relate today. Tomorrow I will deliver the rest of the story with my trademark candor and aplomb.