People,

So, last night was the singular moment of television I have been waiting years for - Bands Reunited: Extreme. Oh, but wait, it ended up sucking ridiculously, almost unexplainably large chunks of ass.

A little back story. Every guitar player goes through this period when they first start learning the instrument where they decide that anyone who isn't a virtuoso sucks, like "how can they be good if they play songs with only three chords in them?" It takes a while before you realize that a good three chord song is infinitely harder to play convincingly, and during that while you spend your time idolizing various guitar gods. And my personal guitar god was Nuno Bettencourt. I used to literally sit in front of my stereo for hours, guitar in hand, trying to copy his licks. I can honestly say that 50% of my early guitar education came from the Pornografitti album. Sad, but true.

Anyway, fast forward ten years and Extreme is being reunited!?!?!?! I literally fell out of my chair. And so last night I dimmed all the lights, got myself a snack, took a pre-emptive piss and sat down to revel in my youth. And it sucked.

You see, I guess being a guitar virtuoso also predisposes you to being an asshole. Although no one else has been beating down Nuno's door to be on national TV for ten years now, and despite the fact that the rest of the band was enthusiastically up for it, he still said no. Not only did he say no, but he refused to even be on camera. I was so pissed.

I mean, I just wanted to shake him and go "do you realize how stupid it is for me to still care about you?!?!? We're not talking about Led Zeppelin or Aerosmith or the Beatles here, you're Extreme! I bought all your albums even though there's maybe, maybe, one album's worth of good material spread over them all. I defended you to people I met in college and even to people I meet now. And dude, I don't know what you think, but there just aren't that many of else left. So, do you think you could maybe get off your ass, stop being such a primadonna and throw us a fucking bone here?"

I was seriously pissed. And I didn't get one flake of the 6-12 inches of get out your job free snow that I was promised for this morning.

Life is, of course, terrible.