People,

Yesterday I went to the dentist. This is noteworthy because I hadn't been to the dentist in 10, count them, 10 years.

The first three or four years of dental avoidance basically resulted because I just didn't feel like going. I was in college, hungover all the time and I really was in no mood to be lectured by an uptight hygeinist. Why do they do that? (Is this thing on? I'll be here all week.)

Anyway, the next six years I spent avoiding the dental chair were about one thing and one thing only - abject terror. I figured that if I hadn't been in for a checkup in 4 years then I was definitely doomed to 73 root canals, seven tooth extractioncs and, quite possibly, a rectal probe.

And so I let myself go for ten years. Finally, after much nagging from, well, everyone I know, I made my way to the offices of Dr. Laura Collura D.M.D. They were surprisingly nice about the fact that I had been so negligent, but definitely looked at me as just so much fresh drill meat. However, in one of life's greater miracles it was found that I have nary a cavity. Not a one. This actually seemd to piss them off a little, as if I was flaunting the need for their profession. Oh well.

So I guess the lesson is that I just don't have to go to the dentist ever ever again. (kidding, sort of.)