People,

When I become the director of the FCC (which in many people's minds is a definite when, not if) I will relax many of the ridiculous rules currently limiting cursing and boobs on tv. Cursing and boobs are, quite frankly, awesome.

However, I also vow with all my heart to rein in one of tv's grossest exercises in disregarding the well-being of the public. I am, of course, speaking of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.

Every time this show comes on I swear to myself that I won't watch it. And then, when I'm watching it, I promise that I won't get involved in the story. And then, when I'm involved in the story, I promise I won't break down like a five year old schoolgirl. And then, when i'm a sobbing wreck I promise that I won't ever watch it again.

Last night featured the story of a single dad with three RIDICULOUSLY adorable toddler boys whose mother died of cancer. Holy Christ. As if that isn't bad enough, each kid has a speech impediment. At the big reveal, one of the boys described his new room as "fffere's Tigger and Piglet and winnie pooh and a big boy bed." Good lord...

Fuck you ABC.